From ballet shoes to baby bottles

Becoming a parent is never easy, no matter how old you are, but becoming a parent unexpectedly at nineteen amplifies these challenges. Twenty-nineteen SunDevil Times Editor-in-Chief Suzanne Farrell and 2019 alum Timothy Nichols experienced this life-altering change from student to parents in their second year of college.

“As a young woman [when I found out I was pregnant], I was terrified. I had always wanted kids, but I obviously wanted to at least graduate college first,” said Farrell. 

Farrell was concerned about finances, how having a baby would affect her school and also potential changes in living arrangements. However, once she realized the role model she would need to become for her child, she was able to make the necessary sacrifices and “come into the role of mom better.”

“I have to tell myself that there is a little pair of eyes on me now, watching and soaking up everything I do,” said Farrell. “That caused a huge shift in thought from “it’s all about me and what I want” to “someone else is relying on me to help them grow and it can’t be all about me.”

Nichols also experienced a significant shift in mindset once he learned he was going to become a father.

“I became more motivated to do well in school, work hard, and have an effective plan for the upcoming years,” said Nichols. “Rather than moving back onto my college campus next year- my son [Oliver], girlfriend [Suzzane], and I have planned on getting an apartment.”

Farrell became aware of her pregnancy in March of 2020, which lined up almost exactly with the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. Because of this, she was able to remain a full-time student online at Jacksonville University via BlackBoard. Farrell is a dancer and wanted to be a performer in a contemporary/modern dance company.

“Being a mom is hard. I love being a student, I love dancing as much as I can, and I love doing nothing as well, but my family and Tim’s family are the biggest help I could ask for,” said Farrell. “I am extremely grateful for the support my family has shown me. My mother and Tim’s mom watch him when I have class. My father, sister, Tim’s sister, and Tim’s dad will watch him if I have to work.”

Due to her pregnancy, Farrell had to take a year off from dance.

“In the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I developed pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure essentially) which caused an early induction (physician induced labor) and resulted in a C-section,” said Farrell. “When I was finally approved by my OBGYN for physical activity, I slowly eased back into classes and I will be taking on my full dance load in the Fall. It was one of the hardest decisions I had to make because dance has been a huge part of my life, but it was the right decision.”

Farrell and Nichols’ baby is named Oliver after Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens and Oliver Cromwell.

“I named him Oliver because I love Dickens, and Cromwell is rumored to be the inspiration behind John Milton’s Paradise Lost which is one of my favorite poems. I am determined to name the rest of my kids major literary authors and books,” said Farrell.

Nichols also attends Jacksonville University and has recently made important decisions for his (and his family’s) future.

“After a recent talk with one of my favorite professors, I am planning to double major in Accounting and Economics and minor in English,” said Nichols. “Once I graduate, I plan to work as an accountant and attend grad school to get a master’s degree in economics..”

The couple’s family have been extremely supportive, but since classes most likely will be in-person next semester, and they will be back in Florida by themselves, they are looking into daycare options.

“Our parents have been really supportive since we told them we would be having a baby,” said Nichols. “When we need help watching our baby, they love to take care of him and hang out.”

Farrell’s teachers have also been extremely helpful and accommodating throughout her journey as a new parent.

“Despite being over eight hours away, my teachers have been extremely supportive. During my finals I was in the hospital in labor and they gave me extensions, and they give me leeway when it comes to missing class for a doctor’s appointment,” said Farrell.

Farrell has faced judgement about how young she is.

“Because I am so young, there’s always underlying judgements from people, whether they mean to do it or not,” said Farrell. “Even before he was born, I was told by multiple people that I should drop out because I couldn’t be a good mother and a full time student, or that I couldn’t support myself and my child because I’m so young. There’s also always people who try to undercut my choices as a mom because they’re older or they have multiple kids and have done this before. While I appreciate the advice, there are some things that I know I do not want and the hardest part is standing my ground to establish my role as a mom and to establish the family that I have.”

Farrell’s expectations for herself have also changed greatly since becoming a mom.

“When we first came home from the hospital, I thought I had to be Super Mom,” said Farrell. “I also felt like I had something to prove because of the backlash of being a young mother. It really comes down to the fact that my level of accomplishment and idea of a productive day has shifted from getting everything on my to do list done to having Oliver fed, bathed, happy, and rested and then do I have time to get a few assignments done.”

Being a parent is hard, there is no question about that, but postpartum depression makes it even harder. Farrell experienced this first hand.

“There’s a huge difference between postpartum hormones and postpartum depression/anxiety,” said Farrell. “It’s okay to ask for help.”

Having a child unexpectedly and at a young age is a huge challenge, but Farrell and Nichols are facing that challenge head on.